My ego, my movie

I notice my ego sneaking in just about every time I pay attention to my thoughts. I know it's getting the best of me when my thoughts are racing and I hear a lot of "I" and "she" and "they" in my thoughts. I can almost see a movie playing out about the story going on in my head and I am all the characters; I know what I am going to say, how the other person is going to respond and the entire conversation. I am so convinced of my story while it's going on and then I look back later and shake my head like "what was I thinking and why couldn't I see the rest of what was going on".

so what do I do when I recognize it?

I take some deep breaths, close my eyes and watch the movie (my thoughts) to figure out what’s got my ego all up in arms. It’s pretty funny to watch, sometimes I can see the words and the sentences float by as I watch, it’s pretty creative and convincing. Once I figure out who or what I am upset about and what about them is upsetting me, I take a look inside and see what that person or situation is showing me that I need to see, i.e. I didn't set boundaries, again, and I am mad at them for taking advantage of me. Once I see what I need to see and my part in it, it sort of stops bugging me and my feelings about them go away.

Then I have the choice to continue being upset because they took advantage of me, for example, or I can choose to take responsibility for my life and how it plays out. Nobody can take advantage of me if I set clear boundaries, right? The other persons job is to worry about their actions, my job is to take care of mine and do the best I know how in that moment. My other job is to learn and hopefully do it better the next time the opportunity comes up, because it will until I learn from it. My hope is to learn the first time around, but I can tell you that it doesn’t always happen that way because the ego can be pretty stubborn.

People are simply our mirror to see what we need to see and learn from it. When we see someone starting to get to us, we can observe our ego and watch where it takes us, almost like a little kid. Either we can fight it and lose the battle, or we can let it vent and have it’s say, and then help it to take the responsibility for its actions and learn from it.

Meditation and yoga help tremendously to minimize the frequency of my overactive imagination as well.

and, of course, the more I learn about myself, the more I realize how much more I have to learn. just breathe.