When Your Comfort Zone Ain't so Comfortable

 I was talking to my niece one day about an issue she was working on that was frustrating her and she said “I just liked to be in my comfort zone” as her reason for not being able to work through this particular issue.  After talking to her for a while, we figured out that her comfort zone wasn’t a very comfortable place to live after all.  So I took a look at my comfort zones and what do you know, mine aren’t either!  Why do they call it a comfort zone anyways?  Based on my very informal research, I would venture to guess that most people’s “comfort zones” aren’t very comfortable. 
 
Where do our comfort zones come from anyways?
 
While we are growing up people share a bunch of information with us (parents, teachers, siblings, coaches, family, etc.).  We take that information and form beliefs.  Those beliefs determine how we live our lives.  We know that our beliefs are correct and we defend them at all costs.  I knew for sure that my way was the only right way, I was positive!  It turns out it wasn’t!  Imagine my shock when I realized that my way not only wasn’t the only way, but it also wasn’t necessarily the best way either!  What?  I know, I was shocked too!    The great part about it though was that once I came to grips with this new concept I was free!  I didn’t have to be the best, the smartest, the funniest, the coolest, the most together, the most organized or to get the most done in a day.  I didn’t have to be perfect.  I could be completely human making mistakes and learning from them.  I learned that always being right didn’t leave any room for growth.  If I was already perfect then what was there left to learn?  I realized how very little I knew.  What a cool gift!

When my son was about 6 he was arguing with his brother who was about 8 and he said with complete conviction “No Jake, Florida is one of the 50 countries in Michigan!”  He was sure!  There was nothing that could have convinced him otherwise.  So not only do we have beliefs that come from the things we have heard correctly, we also form beliefs based on things we hear “incorrectly” or things we overhear when we are eavesdropping.  Who is to know what is actually true and what is not, it’s all in our individual perception which varies person to person.
 
So we have these beliefs and they form our thoughts which alter our behavior accordingly.  We live a certain way and then we get used to whatever way that is, good or bad.  Even people who are abused get used to that lifestyle (they say).  They are uncertain about living any other way simply because they don’t know what it feels like living any other way.  Fear of the unknown is often a bigger fear than living in the pain they currently live in. Maybe they never considered that there was any other option.  Even though it’s negative and/or painful, it is a comfort zone.  So is being overweight, having addictions, giving yourself unhealthy messages, settling for less in your life, not living your dreams, dharma or purpose, all of it is a comfort zone (or an excuse to stay that way).
 
So how does one get out of a comfort zone they don’t even realize they are uncomfortable in?
 
To figure out where you are uncomfortable, notice recurring themes in your life.  What stuff keeps coming up for you that you don’t particularly care for?  Once you find those things that bug you, observe what’s happening around that situation.  What are you thinking when it comes up?  Do you keep making the same choices when it comes up?  I’ll bet you do, at least I notice that I do, otherwise the outcome would be changing.  We need to consciously make another decision to have another result. 
 
Next, when things are scary and also exciting at the same time, jump in!  Say hello to the fear and do it anyways.  Observe what the fear feels like in your body without judgment.  Just notice the feeling.  Take it in.  It won’t hurt. Then, do whatever it is you are scared and excited to do.  You hear people say “go outside of your comfort zone” all the time, but you may not have ever considered why they say that.  It’s because when we go outside of ourselves and do things that are uncomfortable we actually get a huge payoff.  It’s hard to explain without having the experience but pay attention to your results the next time you take a risk and try something that scares and excites you.  You need to try it for yourself, don’t take my word for it.  Remember, our thoughts and fears are usually far worse than our reality.  Studies have shown that only 8% of fears actually materialize.
 
Consider the possibility that being outside of your comfort zone may actually feel better than you think.  It also may be easier than you think.  I read something written by Dr. Wayne Dyer who was talking about quitting smoking.  He was explaining that smoking took way more work than quitting smoking.  He essentially said that he had to work to pay for the cigarettes, go out each day to buy them, worry about smelling from the smoke and his breath, find a place to smoke where it is legal to smoke and where he wouldn’t offend others, worry about his health, etc.  To quit all he had to do was not smoke.  It’s funny to think about isn’t it?  We get so used to doing certain things that we don’t even realize that it may actually be easier to not to do it.
 
A wise man once said to me “You have been living this way for 4 years and it’s not working.  Let go for a minute and give something else a try. What do you have to lose?”  This statement changed my life.  He was so right!  My way, the way that I lived to defend, wasn’t working at all.  It never did.  My beliefs kept me stuck in my misery. 
 
As long as you live on this Earth, you have a choice.